Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
