she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Are my feet made of real feet?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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