I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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