oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
