My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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