I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
