I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I understand Curling. That high.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
