Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
