I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
