Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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