IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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