But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
