And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
