It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
