there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
