I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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