I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.