you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.