"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
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Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
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...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.