At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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