somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
