whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
