I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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