saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
