Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Randomize
