Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
