WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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