I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Randomize
