He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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