i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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