I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
