On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
