literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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