Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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