So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you never un-have a 4some
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
