mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
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I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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