How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
