I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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