Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
