I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
