shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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