my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
