come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
