I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
