she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
