Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
