i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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