I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
