Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
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Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
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I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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