This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
