none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
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You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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