You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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