I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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