On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
