got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
