i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
