I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
