She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
