i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
