Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
