I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize