I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I wear drunk well.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
