worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
