I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
