Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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